Well I have a good month so far – been signed off from the Health Visitor as she thinks I’m fine enough to not warrant seeing her every week from now on it.

I have to admit I feel better in myself as well – and even Lee and my mum can see the difference in me. They can also tell if I am having a bad day as my whole body language changes as well as my mood.

This past week has however been the best with the wee man since he was born. The only way I can describe how how I felt the other day when I was playing games with Jack is that it was like someone had finally turned on the light and I could see clearly now and appreciate Jack and Lee a lot more now.

I know that I am not out of the woods yet, I am stilling the double dose of antidepressents – which is fine by me as I would hate to come off this dose too early and have another breakdown like I did in March. Part of me is wondering how I am going to be when I eventually stop taking them, am I going to be able to function knowing that I am not taking tablets to suppress and lift my mood? Will I “fall off the wagon” and filp 0ut and need to go back on them?

My Health Visitor says not to worry about this as I will be fine, but its still niggling at the back of my mind – but I am mangaging to push that aside for the time being.

I dont need to go back to the Dr until September at which time I think she will reduce my dose to 1 tablet a day for a wee while before starting to wean we off them. Not sure how its going to work as just can stop taking them suddenly need to come off them over a course of a few weeks.

So yeah things are definatly looking up for me now – I feel guilty about missing out on Jacks first year, but as everyone keeps telling me I have the rest of his life to make up for not being with it his first year.

So that makes me feel a little bit better.

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